I don't mind when people think I'm pregnant because they may give me their seat on the train

Nobody's More Bitter Than Ex-Gymnasts
Young girl: How old are you?
22 year-old girl: I'm 22.
Young girl: And you're pregnant!
22 year-old girl: No I'm not.
Young girl: Why do you have a big belly then?
22 year-old girl: Well you know, when you're my age, hormonal and stuff, you'll get fat. People will think you're pregnant when you're not, and you'll cry. So you'll eat tons of salads to make the belly disappear but it won't work and you'll be sad. That's all life's about. Don't grow up.

--A Train

Overheard by: Violette
via Overheard in New York, Apr 23, 2009

A cookie is worth a thousand words

Also Why Girl Scouts Rarely Get Harassed by the Homeless
Hobo: Hey! Is them cookies good? Is they good?
Commuter, holding bag of cookies: I'll give you a cookie.
Hobo: Thanks, man. What kind of cookies is these?
Commuter: Coconut.
Hobo: Thanks. Hey, can you do me a favor?
Commuter: I gave you a cookie.
Hobo: Yeah...you got me.

--Penn Station
via Overheard in New York, Feb 22, 2009

We have similar grasps on history

Aristotle's Really More Of an American Eagle Dude
Girl #1, leaving the mall: Go to Aero... Ari... Aristotle.
Girl #2: Aristotle is not the same thing as Aeropostale.
Girl #1: Then where did I...?
Girl #2 (interrupting): History. You learned about Aristotle in history.
Overheard by: Ashley

via Overheard Everywhere, Jan 26, 2009

Pillows of Illusion

When I'm Awake, I Drink to Forget the Dreams
Guy #1, leaving: Bye! Sweet dreams.
Girl to guy #2: I hope so, last night I had a really bad dream. What about you?
Guy #2: I had dreams last night. It's my reality that's the problem.

--Hopscotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita
via Overheard in New York, Dec 4, 2008

Best.Game.Ever

New Yorkers Love a Game of "So You Think You Have Problems?"

Screaming child: Mommy, I want to go home!
Disgruntled employee: You think you have problems?! Try graduating from art college in the middle of a recession! Then you can cry!

--H&M Store

via Overheard in New York, Sep 1, 2008

This is why you should always keep a stash of cookies handy

12PM I Finally Had to Call Security on That Blue Muppet with the Weird Googly Eyes
Office worker: Okay, who started the cookie rumor? I have 45 people coming to my desk asking me for some cookies that I made!

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: maryk
via Overheard in the Office, Aug 22, 2008

A politician by any other name is just as sleazy

Can We Do That?

[At a Thurston Moore solo show]
Girl in front of crowd: Thurston, who are you going to vote for?
Thurston Moore: The black dude or the chick. ... Actually, fuck 'em all.

--Knitting Factory

via Overheard in New York, May 12, 2008

Making the most of it

If Platitudes Won't Sway Me, Nothing Will
Guy #1: Well, they do say life's short, gotta make the most of it.
Guy #2: I am pretty positive life is the longest thing I am ever going to do. And I am not going into that strip club, okay?

Sydney
Australia
via Overheard Everywhere, May 8, 2008

Red and Blue and White All Over

3PM Bill Clinton: "That Stuff's Still There?"

White dude to black coworker: The cool thing about Obama is that he is able to transcend race. He's the ultimate embodiment of American multiculturalism and pluralism. He's white and black, and his race doesn't matter, he's got character, which was Martin Luther King's dream, that people would be judged according to the content of their character, not the color of their skin.
White dude #2: Yeah, well, I just can't wait until Obama gets into office and he invites MTV over to the White House to film an episode of Cribs and he's got a stripper pole in the basement right by his poster of Scarface.

130th Street
Tacoma, Washington

Overheard by: Stan Green

via Overheard in the Office, Apr 22, 2008

Good luck with that

Harriet Found That Acting Crazy Got Her to the Front of the Line More Quickly
Woman: I'm getting married.
Man she just met: Oh, congratulations! When is the wedding?
Woman: When I find a man who wants to marry me.

--DMV License Xpress, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Irritated Eavesdropper
via Overheard in New York, Apr 19, 2008

ExtensionOfBob says "Yes"

Do Girls Have Penises? Discuss

Straight guy #1: I saw this show on TV about guys who would date girls even if they have a penis 'cuz they were so hot!
Straight guy #2: Penis is definitely the deal breaker for me.

--187th St & Broadway

via Overheard in New York, Apr 7, 2008

I Like Big Butts

Two Words: Ironclad Prenup

Ana #1: Oh my god, look at that guy. He's huge!
Ana #2: Like, really, someone needs to introduce him to Weight Watchers or something!
Girl passerby: Hey, snugglebutt! [Gives large guy hug and kiss.]
Ana #1: What the fuck?
Ana #2: Girlfriend? That fat whale?
Girl passerby: Husband. And you two might have men in your lives if you actually had boobs rather than a caved-in skeleton chest. Come on, schnookums, let's go get some ice cream.

--Westerly, Rhode Island

Overheard by: blanket not far away, lauging my ass off

via Overheard at the Beach, Feb 29, 2008

Because we're all a little bit racist

Fine, I'll Count My Blessings. Whatever.

Woman receiving massage: Do you fix a broken heart?
Chinese masseuse: What? What you say. Heart? Pain? Heart not good?
Woman: I said, do you fix a broken heart?
Chinese masseuse: Hmmm... You heart is good! No bad! No worry! You healthy -- very, very good!
Woman: Oh... Good...

--Massage parlor, Mott St

via Overheard in New York, Feb 8, 2008

A shout out to VH1's 40 Least Hip Hop Moments List*

Um, I Created a Life.

Stuffy white lady pushing stroller, to friend: I can't believe people are actually taking Justin Timberlake seriously these days.
Hipster crossing East: He brought sexy back, bitch! What the hell did you do?

--Central Park West

Overheard by: Zora Zero

via Overheard in New York, Jan 15, 2008

*Justin Timberlake made the list