Actually, I do want you to be my friend

That was then

Fading Out

I have this miraculous way of missing important trends. One of the biggest things I missed out on was the Amy Winehouse craze. I mean, you know, her music, not her going crazy. I caught that part. Of course, pop music can be so ubiquitous, that a lot of it I absorb simply through osmosis (or you know, I'll hear it in a store, or blaring from car radios). I'll find myself humming songs not knowing where I've heard it, who it's by, only to discover that it's been the number one song on the charts for weeks and weeks. "Rehab" and "Back to Black" were two songs like this. I vaguely knew them, could utter a couple of words of the choruses, but knew nothing about them for quite some time.

On the tail of spending a couple of days listening to Nina Simone, Patsy Cline, Billie Holiday, and a few other soulful greats, I found myself itching to listen to "Back to Black" again. There's really something extraordinarily special about this...her voice, the words. I don't know if it's possible for anyone who does not feel some deep sense of authentic pain could sing this song the way she does.

For your amusement

Live a Life of No Regrets

"Gerry, I'm a woman! We don't say what we WANT! But we reserve the right to get pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating! And not a little bit scary."
-Lydia in Sliding Doors

Keep Looking....

"Who am I when I am not with you?"

Creating labels for ourselves limits us and impedes upon our ability to live up to our full potential.

Defining ourselves by, or revolving our lives around other people is also dangerous and destructive.

But it is so very easy to do.

Each man or woman will forever be lost to himself. We must find comfort in our inability to find ourselves. For the moment we decide that we have been found, we become officially imprisoned in our own fortress of mediocrity, no matter how grand we think ourselves to be.

What I Hoped For

What I wanted most was for you to say what I hoped you were thinking. And so what I said was what I hoped you didn't want to hear.

"Sometimes we don't do the things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them." -from M. Night Shyamalan's The Village

This is for Naomi, Jessica, and Renita who would all listen to Avril Lavigne with me.

Cheers, Darling

As I wrote my 8th grade graduation speech, this is the song that resonated in my head.

So I want to dedicate this to Matt Trotter, who died today. I want to dedicate this to all of my friends I've left behind, to all of the people who've left me behind. This is to forgotten memories, stupid jokes, adolescence and hormones and impending senses of loss. This is to diving in blindly and hurtling along, eyes wide-open. I dedicate this to neediness and fear of change and longing and boldness and willingness to change and the fact that none of these things is mutually exclusive.

I dedicate this to road trips and betrayals and regret and imagined-kisses and true life hugs and tears not ignored. Here's to the boys and girls who held my hand when it didn't seem to matter and who've helped me be who I am today. Here's to the people who have taken the wrong path and made the wrong decisions and to those who made the grayest choices when black and white didn't make sense. To war and arguments and sex and marriage and ceremonial robes and certificates and paychecks and airplanes and blindness.

Sometimes you can sense the storm coming, but you can never sense whether or not you're going to come out of that storm okay.

Kiss Series: Dangerous!

Kiss Series: Kiss The Girl

The Little Mermaid, the movie that began Disney's rebirth as the masters of animated film (which climaxed with The Lion King and promptly began to collapse thereafter) is the oft declared favorite of people my age. Feminists such as myself can struggle with whether or not Ariel was a liberated character, or if she traded one patriarchal situation for another, but it is difficult to argue with the fact that "Kiss the Girl" is an amazing song.

What girl hasn't sat in front of a guy, the tension mounting, screaming inside of herself, "Just kiss me damn it!!" Who hasn't sat in front of someone he or she was attracted to, weighing the pros and cons of succumbing to the urge to lock lips?

Kiss Series: Forbidden Fruit

As the recent news surrounding former New York governor Eliot Spitzer and current New York governor David Paterson has reminded us, it is often the taboo kiss which is the most irresistible.

Sometimes, I'm Unwell

Rob Thomas wears a t-shirt, with "Love Me" haphazardly written across the chest, while singing about temporary insanity.

I once stood in the middle of a road screaming to a newly-ex-boyfriend. "I hate you so much right now!" (I can think of maybe 3 other instances in my life when I've raised my voice in anger at someone...and no other instance in my life when I've used the "h" word in any non-playful way towards a person.)

"Madness is tonic and invigorating. It makes the sane more sane. The only ones who are unable to profit by it are the insane." -Henry Miller

A certain pleasure can be found from moments of madness. Liberating oneself from one's own sense of normality can be enlightening and refreshing. It breaks up the monotony of life and awakens emotions that might otherwise have been ignored or eternally repressed. It can boost creativity and create a new appreciation for life's intricacies. Most importantly, it helps exercise all of the mental and spiritual muscles one needs in order to feel.

Music Video of the Day: Acoustic Cover of Paula Abdul's "Straight Up"

I've always loved this song. I kinda love Paula Abdul. But there's something about paring it down from a dance song to this more raw, simplistic interpretation that really lays bare the emotional vulnerability expressed in the lyrics.

Music Video of the Day - "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" by Stars